So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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