Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
