Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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