new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
