if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
