If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
