Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
