best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
