Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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