My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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