you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
