I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
