carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
