i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
