Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am midnight drunk by noon
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Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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