i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
