Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
