my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
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I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
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I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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