Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
