I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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