I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
