Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
