they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
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Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
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making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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