you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
