yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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