I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
