Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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