The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
