I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
