My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
