Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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