fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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