I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
