party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
