i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
