I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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