You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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