she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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