Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
