My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
