She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
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he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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