Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize