Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
