dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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