I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
