I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
