good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
