I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
