It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
