Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it hurts more in the daytime
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
