my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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