I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
