Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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