just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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