you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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