i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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