You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
