And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
worst night to have a conscience
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
