ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
